Pain
by Iron Matron
Summary: Just something that came out of my head when I read the books. It's not done yet, but I would appreciate the feedback. I have the outline kind of worked up. Just need to be fleshed out more. Thanks for stopping by.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own none of these characters. I can only appreciate the opportunity to barrow the world & people who live in it in hopes of practicing my writing skills. I have notes where chapter will eventually be as each section is expanded. But the bones are here for now. This is my first. Please provide all kinds of feedback - on product; technical (I'm not familiar with this process); etc...  
_

_Not sure if I'm doing this right. this is still a draft._

**Chapter 1**

Clary watches as the demons approach from all sides. There is no way the group can escape; they were in open ground. Alec, Isabelle and Jace all are occupied with their individual fights and as always doing well, but

With no time to rethink her morbid decision, she runs forward drawing all the demons attenton. Opens the portal...more detail.

Jace watches and she knows when he realizes her plan. His beautiful face contorts to horrified, then a kind of desperate fear as he breaks into a run towards Clary. Even with his talents he knows he won't make it in time.

The demons tail slashes Clary nearly in half. Jace grabs her hand just as she is falling into the portal. It closes with all the demons on the other side. They were safe. Clary had done it. Jace is frantically trying to heal her. Clary is crying and babbling; "I'm sorry. I don't want to leave. Please. I don't want to leave.". She arches her chest off the ground as intense pain rips through here slight frame.

Jace has lost all composure, "Clary, stay. It's not working. It's not working! Please. Hold on." his face is so close their noses almost touch. His eyes begin to water as he watches the color draining from her face as her blood drains from her body; pooling on the floor. He puts one hand on her wound and the other on her cheek w/ his fingers in her hair.

She puts her hand on his cheek, "I want to stay. With you. Jace. I love you". She is looking into his eyes. He watches them fade so fast as her hand slowly falls away and he head and shoulders fall limp in his arms.

"Clary. Clary? No. No. Clary, I love you. Clary.". Rivulets of tears run down his face as he realizes he'd said it too late. She was gone and she didn't know. He'd never be able to tell her how much he loved her. His world shattered on that moment. he starts shaking her, lightly, "Clary?" then with more force; "Clary..CLARY..CLARY!" He chants her name over and over as he brings her into a tight embrace burying his face in her hair. He gently rocks back & forth, stroking her red hair. "Clary...im sorry. I'm sorry".

Isabelle and Alec look on in horror. Clary had saved their lives. She used her unique talent knowing she would die. They can only watch as Jace, the one who is always composed completely (looses it) for the tiny girl lifeless in his arms.

**I finally getting around to breaking these Chptrs up. Then i plan to go back and flesh them out some more. Hang with me, people. I have big plans for this story arc. Please leave me your feedback. I'm greedy. I need it. **


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own none of these characters. I can only appreciate the opportunity to barrow the world & people who live in it in hopes of practicing my writing skills. I have notes where chapter will eventually be as each section is expanded. But the bones are here for now. This is my first. Please provide all kinds of feedback - on product; technical (I'm not familiar with this process); etc..._

_Not sure if I'm doing this right. this is still a draft._

**Chapter 2**

Jace walks in front of the others. Tears run down his face unnoticed and unchecked. He doesn't care who sees. He carried Clary in his arms, holding her head close to his heart, where it belonged. He couldn't stand to let her head droop and sway. He wanted to comfort her. Even though he knew she was gone. The group followed behind; mute with remorse and sorrow.

He walks with purpose, not really looking at anything, but knowing exactly where he was going. He passes the Infirmary, there was not help there. Not now. He walks past all the empty rooms, Alec's, Isabelle's, his own, and takes her to her own bedroom where they had last been together, alone. He lays her softly on the bed, stroking her fiery hair away from her face. he couldn't bring him self to stop touching her, as if letting go would mean he could never touch her again.

He fell to his knees and with s strangled cry began to pray. Something he'd never done. He prayed directly to Raziel. Offered up his life, his soul; if he still had one, if he would only bring her back. He bent his head and brought her had to his forehead. He couldn't remember any of those long prayers; nor he feared would any really apply. Those prayers where for simple, little things. What he wanted was to get his life back. Without her he was nothing.

In a burst of while light Raziel appears. Not really touching the ground, but more hovering on the other side of the bed. Jace stares at him thinking Clary was right. How can she always be so right he thought wryly. "help her." is all he can muster. "please".

Raziel's voice is like music; lit and delicate. "Why? She is in heaven where she is safer than anywhere else. Does this comfort you? To know she is welcomed home -"

"She is home" Jace cuts in rising instantly to stand defiantly to the angel he had only moments ago been praying. "THis is her home. With me" there is not a lot of steam left in him, but he would fight even an angel to have Clary back.

Raziel doesn't say another word. He unsheathed his sword. glowing from within. He slices his palm and then grabs the hilt with his wounded had. Blood starts to run down the shaft. Raziel swings around and points the tip of his blade to her heart; piercing the skin ever so slightly. His pure angel blood flows directly into Clary. She instantly takes a deep breath. Jace falls to his knees next to her on the bed. He watches as she moans from her healing wounds and opens her eyes looking directly at him. She smiles a huge grin which he knows is the grin she reserves for him. He smiles back, touching her hair ever so gently.

Then her face consorts in pain. Her head rests on his lap, her body seems to collapse as she pulls her knees into her chest in futal attempts to alleviate to pain. Jace looks at Raziel.

"She will be in pain for 7 days and nights. It will be so intense she will have no awareness of her surroundings. This pain will drive her mad. She is alive, but she will not be the same when this is done. This is your sacrifice, Jace. She is alive because you could not let her go. Now she must endure your pain. Alone. She will be alone in her mind. For 7 days."

Jace looked at Clary's huddled form in his lap and for the first time wondered if he had done the right thing. He bent his head to her ear and not even knowing what to say started chanting, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Clary, I'm sorry. Please. Please hear me."

**I finally getting around to breaking these Chptrs up. Then i plan to go back and flesh them out some more. Hang with me, people. I have big plans for this story arc. Please leave me your feedback. I'm greedy. I need it. **


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own none of these characters. I can only appreciate the opportunity to barrow the world & people who live in it in hopes of practicing my writing skills. I have notes where chapter will eventually be as each section is expanded. But the bones are here for now. This is my first. Please provide all kinds of feedback - on product; technical (I'm not familiar with this process); etc..._

_Not sure if I'm doing this right. this is still a draft._

**Chapter 3**

For 3 days she screamed. Bloodcurdling screams as her body was inundated w/ all manners of pain and torture. Jace never left her side. He held her hand and stroked her hair and continued an endless litany of prayer for her to forgive him and to open her eyes.

On the fourth day Jace was feeling overly defeated...details. She squeezed his hand, "Jace.". He wasn't sure he'd just dreamed her saying his name. It was faint and raspy, but it was her voice. "Jace". He didn't waste any time. He was instantly nose to nose. He could hear her labored breathing and his heart broke. He felt the now familiar sting in his eyes. "Clary. Love.". She didn't move. Her death grip on his hand didn't waver. She didn't open her eyes. "I hear you. Jace" a spasm of pain ripped through. Her voice was ever so much more faint now, and he could see her tears start again as more pain built inside her, "don't let go." He leaned down to her ear for only her to hear, "never.". He saw the smile touch just the edge of her lips. then more pain and more blackness. Jace laid his head by hers and started telling her all the places they would go. That he knew places she would want to paint. He was renewed w/ his efforts to tell her about the teams prior escapades. And more and more often he would see her responding. Little things, like a squeeze, a blink, soon a small grin. She was coming back to him and he would be there when she did.

**I finally getting around to breaking these Chptrs up. Then i plan to go back and flesh them out some more. Hang with me, people. I have big plans for this story arc. Please leave me your feedback. I'm greedy. I need it. **


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own none of these characters. I can only appreciate the opportunity to barrow the world & people who live in it in hopes of practicing my writing skills. I have notes where chapter will eventually be as each section is expanded. But the bones are here for now. This is my first. Please provide all kinds of feedback - on product; technical (I'm not familiar with this process); etc..._

_Not sure if I'm doing this right. this is still a draft._

**Chapter 4**

Clary jumped on him in his bed, putting her knees in either side of him. He had such a long frame her butt only made it to his stomach. Clary thought, I really am a small person. Jace woke w/ a start, but when he saw Clary, smiling down at him there were no words. His hands flew to her hair and he pulled her down as he came up in an almost violent kiss. His tongue was instantly dancing w/ hers and he couldn't stop touching her, her face, her hair, her neck, her back, he ran one hand up her arm. She was awake and she was smiling he thought. His Clary. She was all right and in his arms. He would never let her get hurt again. Never. He would never leave her. "l know." she murmured in his mouth. He hadn't realizes he'd said it out loud. he didn't care. There were no walls left. He could not pretend. He was giving Clary all the control. And she seemed to want exactly what he did and he felt her hands running up his chest, his neck, in his hair. She was intense, intoxicating.

Jace pulled away to catch his breath and really look at her. He pit his hands on either side of her face and scrutinized her for any lingering injury or sign of pain. He ran them slowly down her neck, she arched back. He knew how sensitive her neck was, but he did not linger long as he ran his hands down her arms. And then put his hands on her hips and felt it. A long thin scar, badly there, but ridiculously long. He traced it around her back, past her spine and around her front almost to her bellybutton. He felt more and more emotional knowing she should not have survived.

She knew he had to know and she let him. His face changed from awe at her being in his arms to sorrow and then fear. She saw him struggling and leaned back in for a kiss. She lingered on his lips,"You're so selfish, Jace. Why couldn't you let me go. I was happy. Now all I feel is pain. Pain you gave me".

Jace woke with a start. It was day 5 and he must have dozed off. He hadn't slept since before the expedition when Clary was hurt. He never says she died. She was alive now, so he refuses to admit even in his own mind she had ever died. He looks up at her. eyes tightly shut. Mouth firmly clamped shut. She was trying very hard this last 2 days not to scream anymore. This really was pain he gave her. She is suffering like no one ever has because he could not be without her. A new form of despair seemed to drape over him.

**I finally getting around to breaking these Chptrs up. Then I plan to go back and flesh them out some more. Hang with me, people. I have big plans for this story arc. Please leave me your feedback. I'm greedy. I need it. **


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own none of these characters. I can only appreciate the opportunity to barrow the world & people who live in it in hopes of practicing my writing skills. I have notes where chapter will eventually be as each section is expanded. But the bones are here for now. This is my first. Please provide all kinds of feedback - on product; technical (I'm not familiar with this process); etc..._

_Not sure if I'm doing this right. this is still a draft._

******Chapter 5 (the Real Ending)**

******Gotcha Ya! You thought I'd be done because I went and broke up the chapters. Well, jokes on you! I have no idea how to end this story. Sussenly that's not so funny. :( **

**I finally getting around to breaking these Chptrs up. Then I plan to go back and flesh them out some more. Hang with me, people. I have big plans for this story arc. Please leave me your feedback. I'm greedy. I need it. **


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